Healing my central nervous system…

Thursday 10/30/25 Torrey Session

Torrey led us through an amazing neurogenic yoga session today.  I left feeling alive and present….all I can say is wow!  

I have learned through this process that my body knows exactly what it is doing.  We had a group session yesterday and it was fabulous!  I relaxed and let my body do its thing.  Torrey (teacher) asked me what I was noticing.  That is a hard one for me to answer.  I don’t know what to say to that, because what am I noticing?  I really don’t notice anything.  What I am doing is letting my body do its thing and I am breathing through it.  Letting go and letting the rest happen.  I really let go today and didn’t fight much at all.  This fighting is just the human experience of holding on and letting go.  When you try a session you will understand what I am talking about. 

It was beautiful and I just let my body do what it needed to do.  I feel like I am riding my body's wave and just feeling my body move around and am in total amazement at how it completely does what it needs to do without interference from me.  I also understand that when I let go and let it do its thing I will know intuitively what I need to do.  Get a blanket, but something under my lower back.  Whatever that is, it will happen if I let go and listen.

Since starting this process my body is much more IN MY FACE.  I didn’t realize how much I wasn’t listening to my body.  I thought I was.  I really did think I was, but I wasn’t.  Now it is completely different.  It sends clearer messages about what it needs. 

I need to rest.

I need to move.

I don’t need to eat yet.

I need to eat soon.

I need to nap.

I need to….fill in the black…

I notice a big difference in my total life experience now.  My body is part of it. 

My body does not want to smoke anymore.  I know this and this is where I love myself and fight myself and know that it will fall away when I am ready. 

I am grateful for this experience even the times when I feel like I am just a statue.  I feel like I cannot do anything, because I am overwhelmed or confused, or angry, or just don’t know what to do.  It is okay to have days like this.

I know I am in the in between.  Eileen 1.0 is no longer here.  Eileen 2.0 is not here yet.  I am in the middle and it's messy and yucky and fabulous all at the same time.

My work is to love myself in the middle section.  It is challenging to do this, but I am.  My nervous system, my ego…needs me to love myself right here and right now.  Not when I quit smoking, not when I eat right.  Not when I do everything perfectly, but now.  Right now at this moment.  It is my work to allow myself to feel safe and give that to myself.  The healing of my nervous system, my inner child, my ego…is my work….and that work is LOVE.  I am getting this more and more. 

I am healing as I go through this training and I am learning that I need to listen to my body.  2-3 sessions a week cannot happen during my work weeks.  Listening to my body means NO WAY JOSE!  LOL!   I am fighting against the very thing I am learning, and that is to listen to my body, not stress it out more.  If I feel good in my body to do a session during my work week I will then do it, but if not forget it.  It is honoring my space and my body.  I am slowing down.  I am listening.  I am truly being in my body, probably for the first time since I was a child…..

What a dance this is….