First day of TRE/Neurogenic Yoga training and…

I am so excited to begin my training! The staff and other students are phenomenal. But I learned something very important about myself and what will make me a fabulous teacher….

First, let me say that I am a very visual person. Whether with my minds eye, or just an inner knowing, most of the time I do know what I am healing from in the session. This is not ALL OF THE TIME. But it is most of the time.

We do two sessions a day. The first session is Neurogenic Yoga with TRE and the second/afternoon session is TRE only. I was good for the first session, but the second session I lost my shit…and guess what? I am okay with that, because I understand why I lost my shit.

All my other sessions I was given time to integrate what had happened in the session. In this session I did not listen to myself or my body and because I thought I should end when everyone else was ending I stopped in the middle of my process.

I was processing some pretty big stuff that had to do with anger, and my father. My heart was broken. I had my hands on my heart and the feelings got really big. I was about 11 years old when this event occurred and needless to say something this traumatic should never have happened to me as a young child.

As a child, my father would go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on….AND ON….until he would get his way. It was totally insane. He was drunk at that time, which was the normal our his life back then. Anyway, I had to way to process what I was feeling back then and how trapped I felt with a totally crazy man for a father. I now understand that he was doing the best he could do at this time in his life, but that does not mean what he chose and who we was did not affect his family.

My father had me so crazy in my head at this time that I didn’t know what to do…except wish him to not be here anymore…..that is the most I will say about this right now…it would take many hours to explain the entire ordeal….

But lets get back to the session….

I was not ready to come out of the session. I had not processed what was happening in my body and mind and did not take care of ME. The staff would have been fine and understand, but because I did not honor the process of healing my body needed I came out of the session to early and just cried in Savasana. By the time we met back on the computer I was still crying.

Why did I do that to myself. Knowing that I was not complete and needed more time?

I didn’t listen to my body at all.

I suffered through it.

I learned how to do that long ago.

My nervous system was crazy….

Now, I know not to do this again. I must honor where my body is at. I must see that even if everyone else is moving on, I will catch up later.

I NEEDED FOR THIS TO HAPPEN.

TO UNDERSTAND.

Thank you for my dear friend Lindsay for helping me to understand and process this!

TO SEE that I do this because I want to fit in, or not make waves, or whatever the hell. But this is about being authentic. My authenticity was to be continuing to process what I was seeing and taken it through till the end…and I promise myself next time I will. Namaste…